By Penchie Limbo, November 21, 2010
For so many years, I hid in a low-profile job to draw away attention from me. Not a mediocre job per se, but I was hiding in a job that limits me to fulfill my greatest potential. I was trying to hide from the spotlight because I was afraid. Afraid of both success and failure. Success could put me in a position where I can no longer maintain my commonness. Failure is painful, sometimes ugly, and I didn’t want to experience that either.
I made many mistakes that hurt me, my family and my friends. I failed, and because of that, I labeled myself a failure, a loser, no good, incapable of doing things right, irresponsible. I labeled myself and I let other people label me… I negated myself. Because of my fear and the labels that I tagged myself, I let a lot of opportunities pass me by. I felt so helpless and hopeless. I sort of just accept that life is unfair when in fact I chose to act like a total loser waiting for whatever life has to offer me with so much resentment.
My life was a mess. Fear ruled my life. I became paranoid. My limiting beliefs about myself hindered me from living a fulfilling and meaningful life. My wrong beliefs about myself and other things blocked the blessings to flow into my life. I felt stuck. Life sucks. I felt like dying. I lack the energy and the drive to live life. I just merely existed, and I hate it…I hate every minute of my existence. I just went through the motions of living.
I wrote the above note on April 26, 2010. The note was actually my life in retrospect as in November 2007, I declared 2008 was my year, and it was going to be amazing. I finally made up my mind to take charge of my life and my future. The year 2008 was my year to dream, to change, to trust my instincts, to love (again), to be proud, to discover a new side of me, to reinvent myself, to reunite with other people, to rule, to make my new life come true.
I took small steps to make the change. I changed my attitude towards life and my perspective of the world. It was not easy to transition from being a chronic pessimist to being an optimist. Negativity and pessimism felt like second nature to me being used to them for quite some time. Wearing a positive attitude felt like it was not me. I was comfortable playing small, and it was difficult to get out of my shell to explore my own potential greatness. Deep down inside was a desire to grow and expand. I was getting uncomfortable where I was. Playing small and being mediocre did not feel right to me anymore. It was time to change.
I wrote my life vision, mission and goals to guide me in my life’s journey. I was hoping it would be a smooth ride, but it turned out to be bumpy. There were challenges I had to face; problems to solve; obstacles, fears, self-doubt and failure to overcome. These caused some delays in achieving my goals. Though I feel some discouragement, hopelessness, helplessness, frustration, and disappointment along the way, these did not prevent me from losing sight of my vision and my goal. At the end of 2008, more than half of my goals were met. I was happy, but not quite satisfied of the results. The next year, I wrote another set of goals. I was making progress. My life improved a bit, but not quite the life that I wanted to have yet. I’m not the person I wanted to become yet, but still on the process of becoming, and I am patient and persistent.
I sought out other people to help me. I never intended to just go through life; I intended to grow through life, and I need other people to help me grow and bear fruits. One of the people who greatly contributed to my growth was Fr. Michael McGuire, who served as my psychotherapist and sort of life coach. For more than a year now, he has been helping me deal with my issues that are hindering my growth. We deal with one issue at a time. The more emotionally free I became, the faster I grew. As the fears and self-doubt diminished, I gained my self-confidence and self-esteem. Now, I felt that I am a cheerful giver and grateful receiver. I am also grateful that I found my way to CA2020 where I met online and offline wonderful, success- and purpose-driven people. Coach Warren Rafal has been one of my biggest motivators in my pursuit of financial freedom. He doesn’t seem to become weary in pushing me to move forward. I am grateful too for my family, my friends, my relatives who are very supportive of me.
My life has never been the same again. Though I no longer live a common life, I am still a work in progress. I now live a life of purpose, and my purpose is to add value to the life of others. I am no longer in my shell, living for myself alone, but I am trying to live for others as well. No longer will I play small as my playing small does not serve the world. As I strive to be the best that I can be and share myself to others, I know I am fulfilling God’s purpose in my life. Growing and changing cured my common life. Every day becomes better and better. I also become better and better every day in every way.